Insults

Here are some great Aussie Insults for you lot,
... ya drongo's!

Don't forget to click on the Submit button below once finished!

 Tally Sayings
821May your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders.
insult
476You must be the world's only living brain donor.
dumb or stupid to the extreme
450He's floggin the log/dog again!
Havin' a wank. (Masturbating)
336He had a head on him like a sucked mango.
~
299May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
You're basically scum
297Too slow to keep worms in a tin.
~
288May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.
~
251So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!
~
250Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.
can't organise anything
233I'm going to give birth to your twin!
Have a shit
232I hope the hairs up your arse turn into drumsticks and beat the shit out of you
~
227If I wanted to talk to an asshole like you, I would 've farted!
Go away and leave me alone
221Oh, pull your lip over your head and swallow!
Go away or shut up.
208If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards.
~
202Ugly as a hatful/bucket of arseholes.
~
198Ya bloody wombat.
Insult
185He couldn't find his arse with both hands, even if his fingers were flashlights!
Real busy, or real stupid
179About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest.
Of absolutely no use...
178He must have 2 penises...he couldn't be that stupid from pulling one.
Stupid
164You have an IQ of 2 , and it takes 3 to grunt!
~
160More arse than class.
~
159May the all pores of your skin turn into little assholes and cover you in shit!
Insult
156Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse
Is a lousy driver
Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground.
Stupid or confused
153Got a face like a bashed in shit can.
Insult
151Couldn't organise a fuck in a brothel with a fist full of fifties.
unlucky,stupid, ignorant just plain dumb usually refers to bad management
145He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.
weak
144Seen better legs on a table.
Cellulite city. Fat legs.
141Wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful.
The quiet type
140You're a waste of sperm/space/air.
~
135Get a woolly dog up ya.
get lost
130He wouldn't work in an iron lung
Lazy.
122I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds!
~
121You're as handy as shit on a stick.
your not much help
Couldn't fix a root in a brothel!
Can't organise anything.
119Her! She's got a face like a smacked arse.
Boy! You are ugly
118May your arse cheeks turn into bicycle wheels and backpedal up your arse!
~
116Seen better heads in a piss trough.
Ugly.
113Couldn't organise a fart in a chillie eating contest.
not good at organisation
112(insultingly) Ankles.
three feet lower than a cunt or the only thing seen out of the boss's arse - a suckup
110So unlucky that if it were raining virgins he would be struck in the head by a poof.
Really unlucky.
107Ya bloody galah!
You slow witted one.
Lower than a snake's armpit / arsehole.
Pretty underhanded
106No more sense than a native bear, an' not half as good-lookin'.
Dumb
102You're as good as two blondes put together.
Not very smart
100He's off like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun.
I am out of here!
95 He has F.I.T.H. Syndrome.
He's fucked in the head (stupid)
93You usless kiwi import.
~
91If your I. Q. were 2 points higher it would be the same as a bloody stone.
Pretty dumb.
89He couldn't drive a nail into a bucket of water.
to a hopeless driver
88Wouldn't know if his arse was on fire.
Stupid Person
Dumber than a box / wagon load of rocks.
Not troubled by intelligence
84Go and stick your head up a dead bear's bum.
Koala bear that is!
81Face like a smashed crab.
ugly
You've got tickets on yourself mate!
Someone who thinks a lot of themselves
80As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.
Ugly
79Got a face like a mile of unpaved road.
Pretty ugly
78You little bugger.
Brat, pain in the arse.
72He couldn't pull the skin off a custard.
weak
70Tis a pity thy mouth be ringed with teeth, 'cos doth spoil a perfect arsehole.
Ugly as all S...
Shut your cake hole.
~
68I wish his dad had settled for a blow job.
Obvious insult.
He wouldn't know if a brass band was up him unless he got the drum!
~
66Face like a mallee root.
ugly
You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie.
~
64He's a lousy bastard.
A mean miserable man.
60Couldn't run a bath!
hopeless at organizing, running a business
58She could scare buzzards off of a meat wagon!
She's ugly
57She was so ugly that when she walked on the beach even the sewerage got up and left!
Fairly obvious insult.
56You're as ugly as a box of blowflies.
Insult
55You half-pie poofter.
~
53Couldn't drive ducks to water.
A hopeless car driver
52The lift doesn't go to the top floor/all the way to the top.
not very bright
51Your face is like a twisted ugg boot.
Insult
49She's as ugly as a mud fence in a rainstorm.
~
Don't invite that mangy old bastard.
Don't invite him as he is mean with his money and/or gifts.
48Geez your brothers ugly! / Jesus Christ your sister is ugly!
Said to a twin as an insult.
47Popular as a mangy dog.
Not popular.
He couldn't get a kick in a cow yard.
to a useless football player
46Your face looks like a cats arse!
you are ugly
43What will you do for a face when the monkey wants it's arse back?
You're ugly
42Why don't you pull a brown-eye and show us your stretch marks?
a way of putting down a heckler
39Too useless to grow chokos on a backyard dunny.
Hopeless.
37Ugly as a deep sea racing mullet!
Ugly chick
36Couldn't produce a fart in a licorice factory.
See: Useless as tits on a bull
32If I want any shit from you, I'll squeeze your head.
I don't wish for your opinion at this time, thank you!
30If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it.
Your an ugly and stupid person.
29He's got death adders in 'is kick.
Mean with his money-kick=pocket.
27A face like a marron and hands like a couple of yabbies.
ugly
24Wank stain!
loser
23If brains were dynamite, he could blow the dust from his ears.
thick as a brick
19You're fucked in the head and got shit for brains.
Idiot
18You are so fat you need a road map to find your arse!
~
17Hope your crabs turn into lobsters and eat your crutch out!!!
I really don't like you much.
16Stick a ferret up yer clacker.
~
Rip your bloody arms off and belt you with the sloppy end.
~
He's so far up himself he's coming out the other end.
~
Pull your flaps over your head and turn yourself into a red back spider.
shut up woman
15Sharp as a beachball.
Not very bright/quick.
14You're \ it's about as useful as a bag full of farts.
useless
If brains where dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off!!!
~
13You've got a head like a dropped pie.
Very Ugly
12He's got more corrugations than a water tank.
Lots of spare tyres- Rolls of fat.
If brains were shit, you wouldnt have enough to fart.
you're stupid
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.
stupid
10He/She was beaten by the ugly stick while swinging from the ugly tree.
is very, very ugly
9He would root the hair on a barber shop floor.
Not fussy
8He's just a two-bob drongo!
He's an idiot worth about two bob (twenty cents)
7She's got the face of a bush pig.
boy she's ugly
She/He'd scare a dog out of a butcher's shop.
Pretty bloody obvious - Cheers !
6He's about as much use as a fart in a thunderstorm!!
he is totally useless/ a waste of space
You couldn't drive a fart out of your own arse!
a bad driver
Doesn't know shit from clay.
stupid
Fat as a boarding house pudding.
chubby
She has a head like someone tried to put out a campfire with a screwdriver.
very, very ugly!!!!
5Couldn't organise a dog fuck in a paper bag.
Hopeless at doing anything administrative
(You'd want to know) the in's and out's of a magpies arsehole.
Response to a busy body
He/She has all the brains of a stunted swamp chigger.
~
1Couldn't drive a wet soapy finger up his own ass.
can't drive
So up herself she needs a refidex to find her way out.
loves herself
You're enough to give diarrhoea the shits!
a person really annoys the hell out of you!
Wanks on planks.
Skateboarder
Go pull a cow's cunt over your head and get a bull to fuck some sense into you.
Wake up to yourself.
The End.