Tally Sayings 519 Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!~ 476 You must be the world's only living brain donor.dumb or stupid to the extreme 376 Up at a sparrows fart.got up very early in the morning 336 He had a head on him like a sucked mango.~ 321 One foot in the grave and the other on a banana skin.~ He could talk under wet cement with a mouthful of marbles.~ 299 May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.You're basically scum 297 Too slow to keep worms in a tin.~ 289 Flat out like a lizard drinking.hard work, busy. (But originally sarcastically) 288 May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.~ 271 Dig a hole and bury me, it just doesn't get better than this!~ 262 He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock.Doesn't have it together 251 So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!~ 221 Oh, pull your lip over your head and swallow!Go away or shut up. 198 Ya bloody wombat.Insult 147 I'll go and have a Captain Cook.go for a look 145 He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.weak 144 Seen better legs on a table.Cellulite city. Fat legs. As welcome as a fart in a phone box.Get out of here 141 Stroll to the gravy bowl.Go to the toilet. 136 Pass the dead horse.Tomato Sauce 135 Get a woolly dog up ya.get lost 134 Busier than a bricklayer in Beirut.~ 130 Don't get your knickers in a knot.Don't get agitated. He wouldn't work in an iron lungLazy. 124 I'm so thirsty I could drink the sweat from a Japanese Sumo wrestler's jockstrap.~ 123 Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.Be thankful for what you've got. 122 Seven sandwiches short of a picnic.~ 120 If it was raining palaces, I'd get hit by a dunny door.~ 119 I'm so hungry, I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies.~ 114 A stubbie/can short of a six pack.Missing some sense 113 Couldn't organise a fart in a chillie eating contest.not good at organisation 112 clear as mudunclear 111 Fair crack of the whip!I appeal for ethical behaviour 109 A few crumbs short of a biscuit.neuron impaired He spat the dummy.mega pissed off 107 Ya bloody galah!You slow witted one. Lower than a snake's armpit / arsehole.Pretty underhanded 106 No more sense than a native bear, an' not half as good-lookin'.Dumb 105 Another beer? Na, better hit the frog 'n toad.Road. 104 What do you think it is, Bushweek?I'm not a dumb cocky from the bush you can't put it over me 103 Where the crows fly backwards.remote outback, strange place 102 You're as good as two blondes put together.Not very smart As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike/water-ski/surf-board.useless As useful as lips on a chicken.not worth a damned 100 He's off like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun.I am out of here! 99 As funny as a fart in an elevator/space suit/sleeping bag.not He's on the dog and bone.telephone 97 You got the rough end of the pineapple.~ 96 You've got some face fungus.needs a shave 95 What a load of codswollip.~ 94 Sure as there's cold shit in a dead cat.the certainty of the situation 93 Stone the (flaming) crows!~ 92 I need that like a submarine needs a screen door.~ 91 I feel like a dog's breakfast.Feel pretty awful. Fair suck of the sav!sav=saveloy=Frankerfurt. Fair go! Give me a break! Fits like a bum in a bucket.~ 90 I could eat the horse and chase the rider/jockey.yer bloody hungry! Mad/Silly as a cut snake.~ 89 He couldn't drive a nail into a bucket of water.to a hopeless driver 88 Dumber than a box / wagon load of rocks.Not troubled by intelligence Yer so thin you'd have to run around in a the shower to get wet.~ 87 Drinking with Pat Malonedrinking alone 86 That's about as funny as a kick in the head.~ A few sausages short of a BBQ.~ 84 Well that's down the gurgler.~ 82 Know yer! I'd know your skin if I saw it hanging on a bush.~ Trouble and strife and billy lids.wife and kids 81 Face like a smashed crab.ugly You've got tickets on yourself mate!Someone who thinks a lot of themselves So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him.Stingy person - will not buy a round of beers. 80 As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.Ugly So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread.~ Love to stay and count our brain cells one by one, but we can't.No time. 79 Got a face like a mile of unpaved road.Pretty ugly 78 He's a bit whiffy under the Warwick'sWarwick short for Warwick Farm (Arm), meaning underarm odour 77 I'll fix your Jack and Jill.Pay for the bill 76 A shingle short on the roof of life.a bit slow 75 Syphon the pythonUrinate Off to the bog to leave an offering.A sewer deposit. 73 I'm 'aving a dogs eye and dead 'orse.Meat pie and sauce As rare/scarce as hen's teeth.Rare It's not worth a brass razoo.Not even worth a penny. 72 He couldn't pull the skin off a custard.weak 71 Happy as a dog in a hub cap factory.~ 70 Couldn't lie straight in bed.people know your lying I wouldn't touch it with a forty foot pole.~ 69 I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat.I need a drink I wore my bag of fruit yesterday.I wore a suit. Welcome as a pork chop in Jerusalem or a synagogue.Not popular. 68 He wouldn't know if a brass band was up him unless he got the drum!~ 67 About as useful/handy as pockets on a singlet.effing useless Does a fat dog fart?yes Lower than a snake's belly.~ 66 Better than a slap in the face with a wet fish.~ As slow as a wet week.That's slow. Face like a mallee root.ugly You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie.~ 65 Three bangers short of a barbie.dull-witted, slow. A few tinnies short of a slab.slow in thinking Were you on the porcelain telephone?vomiting into the loo! Ya bloods worth bottling!your great! He could talk a dog off a meatwagon.~ 64 Between you me and the gatepost...in confidence. Cock-and-bull stories.absurd, unlikely story, claiming to be true. Well, strike me pink!~ 63 He's as full as a goog.full, so drunk he can't stand up What's your crust, mate?What do you do for a living? Get off yer high horse.Your arrogance is unacceptable 62 Dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards.Extremely dry in the mouth Go home to the ball and chain.wife You look like a stunned mulletYou look like a senseless fish! 61 Full as a fat lady's knickers/socks.Couldn't have any more food/drink I'll give it a butchers.Butchers Hook=Look into something 60 Couldn't run a bath!hopeless at organizing, running a business He shoots blanks.Sterile At the drop of a hat.At any excuse. Hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave.A number two. 59 You can't have one foot either side of the fence if its made from barbed wire.Sir Joe quote Hold on to yer horses!Just wait for a second. Last about as long as a fart would in a blizzard.~ 58 She could scare buzzards off of a meat wagon!She's ugly The lights are on, but no-one's home.A slow person, not all up there. He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door.weak or incompetent Bonzer mate!Great! On your bike!Get out of here Thick as a lump of 4 X 2. (four by two)not well endowed with grey matter Don't come the raw prawn with me mate!don't delude/try to trick me. To let someone know you don't believe them Mad! He's as mad as a gum-tree full of galahs!~ 57 It's a Rip Snorter.It's great. Froth and Bubblemeans trouble I'm gonna strangle a brownie.Nothing to do with girl scouts! 56 How are ya, me ol' china?How are you, friend? You're as ugly as a box of blowflies.Insult She goes like the clappers.Move fast He's about to do his block.Lose control of his temper. 55 I'm buggered, broke and bewildered.stuffed - underpaid & overworked Reg Grundys = undies Like a rat up a rope/drainpipe.very quickly Takin' the kids to the pool.Going to the loo. Flash as a rat with a gold tooth.~ 54 You're a Wally.You are not clever He's True Blue.Real Aussie As handy as mudflaps on a speedboat.Not handy at all He'd make a cat laugh.~ 53 Did you see her Tasmania?female pubic area. (Tassie Map) Couldn't drive ducks to water.A hopeless car driver Like two bulldogs fighting under a saddle blanket.what a fat woman's arse looks like when she walks in pants So mean, he would steal the gold fillings out of his grandmothers grave.~ Gotta go have a slash.Gotta urinate. 52 The lift doesn't go to the top floor/all the way to the top.not very bright I smell bacon.Said when you see the cops!!! I told him a real Porky pie.lie (rhyming slang) Mate, shes as rough as guts/mullet/goats' knees/a pigs breakfast.very rough, crude Yer pulling my chain mate!you are fooling me Mean! He was so mean he wouldn't even let his dog drink from a mirage.~ Yer draggin the chain.You are somewhat tardy. 51 It's Liquid Sunshine.Rain Even Blind Freddy could see it.Very obvious Don't forget that Septic Tank's in town.Septic Tank = Yank To get off at Redfern.coitus interrupts Him! He couldn't catch a cold!in poor form, not quick (Sport) Your face is like a twisted ugg boot.Insult To do your lolly.~ Cold as a polar bear's behind.~ 50 He's an odd bod.eccentric person, esp with a fixation. Had to do the Harold Holt out of there.a Bolt. Run. 49 Is the Pope a Catholic?Of course. She's as ugly as a mud fence in a rainstorm.~ A few dice short of Yahtzee.Not very intelligent or mentally incapable A rooster one day, a feather duster the next.the uncertainty of success She's in the pudding club.pregnant He's a full quid.He is above average IQ 48 Ridgy Didge!even more then 'Fair Dinkum' As common as a cat/dog in Springvale.Rare. (Alluding to Vietnamese eating dogs/cats) 47 I'd better ask me cheese'n'kisses first.Ask the missus. Popular as a mangy dog.Not popular. He couldn't get a kick in a cow yard.to a useless football player As old as Adam.~ As lonely as a bandicoot on a burnt ridge.~ I'm humping my bluey.bluey=swag + hump=carry 46 What are ya bumping your gums about?what are you talking about? Here comes a bible-basher.a person of excessive religous zeal. Uses narrow bibial interpretations. Carrying on like a pork chop.overexited, hyperactive Putting on me stubbies & thongs.Dressing up - tuxedo/suit He kicked a sausage roll.kick a goal And you can bet London to a brick on that!~ 45 If his brain was made of electricity, he'd be a walking blackout.Not bright. See ya 'round like a risole.See you later. He' s all shine, no shoes.He's a fake, a fraud It's within cooee of here.close by, within calling There's a claggy on your waggy!You dog's got a dirty behind I'll give yer curry.I will assault you orally. Shoot through like a Bondi tram.Leave in a hurry. 44 We are next to the marble orchard.a cemetery. Your grasping at straws there.getting desperate I'll give yer a bell.I will phone you Full as a fat man's undies.Had enough to eat Does Jack Newton swim in circles?Of course! Naturally, yes. 43 I'm off to the rub a dub, dub.Rhymes with Pub! Could I bludge a fag?Can I have a cigarette Needed as a back pocket in a tshirt.Not useful. 42 Up ya Bundy!Up your Bum! (Bundaberg Rum=Bum. Come over 'ere and 'ave an optic at this.Look. (optic nerve=perve) She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times.she's real ugly. Had a blue.Had a fight I was driving the porcelain/ceramic bus this morning.to throw up (vomit) down the toilet bowl Go water a horse.go urinate Choke a brown dog.~ She's more emotional than a Bob Hawke book launch.~ 41 He's got a Ned Kelly on 'im.belly Come in, spinner.Let's go. Couldn't kill him with an axe.The bugger just won't die. 40 Stuff this for a game of soldiers!Excalamation. Anger, Frustration. As happy as a worm in a can on the way home from a fishing trip.~ The engine's conked out.died, break down. I'm off to the waterhole.Off to the pub Going twenty to the dozen.Going top speed Hold back your brumbies mate!calm yourself down Gone through that like a dose of salts!~ 39 Mad as a meat axe.Crazy, bananas. Couldn't get a kick in a stampede.Useless football player. She's apples mate!Everything's all right What a load of old cobblers!load of nonsense. Several palings short of a fence.~ Too useless to grow chokos on a backyard dunny.Hopeless. Doesn't know if it's Pitt Street or Christmas.Pitt Street= major St in Sydney, full of lights. He's so short he has to stand on his head to get his foot in the stirrup.~ 38 Not since JC played full-back for the Arabs.A long time ago. Time for me to nut and bolt.Bolt-leave in a hurry There's a potato peeler for ya.rhyming slang = shiela Wouldn't be dead for Quids!Having to much fun! If it was raining bikini clad women, I'd be washed down the gutter with a truck driver.No luck whatsoever Going to drain the one-eyed trouser snake.Urinate It's a Clayton's.It's fake. eg: non-alcoholic beer Darwin -where everything bites but the butterflies.~ Don't get off your bike.Calm down 37 Make mine an unleaded.I'll have a light beer Couldn't give a fat rat's clacker.Couldn't care less! Ugly as a deep sea racing mullet!Ugly chick A face like a mouthful of mashed up Smarties.Ugly Dryer than an Arab's fart.Thirsty I'm up the apple and pears.up the stairs A two headed Tasmanian.~ Damn dunny budgies!what flies and hangs around dunnies? 36 Real bunch of odds and sods.bits and pieces. Miscellaneous collection. Japanese riding boots.Thongs See the Lawn pizza?Steaming pile of vomit left on your front yard when your mates leave after a drinking session. A few chops short of a barbie.not all there Twenty/a few cents short of a dollar.not all there- crazy As fresh as a hand full of gum leaves.~ 35 Having a bludge.Not working Did 'is block.Lost his temper 23 less the carton.To say a person is "23 less the carton" alludes to a carton of beer, which has 24 cans. He's got the good oil.~ 34 Busy as a blowie at a barbie.To be very busy or hyperactive. (blowfly at a BBQ) in two shakes of a lamb's tail.real soon. He's a right berk, he is.an idiot Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in itBig Mouth As happy as Larry.~ You'll never find that this side of the black stump.the black stump is a legendary location outback. Short of a sheet of bark.weak of intellect I'll stick yer bloody bum on the barbie.I'm so mad I going to hit you then stick you on a hot barbecue Don't whip the cat.Don't cry over split milk 33 She thinks her feet don't smell.She believes she is of high class, she is posh. He's a pain in the Gregory Peck.Pain in the neck You bet your boots that's right!It is certain. Give us a Mick Jagger!A lager/beer To be up the duff.to be pregnant He's sillier than a two bob watch.stupid Drain the main vain.To urinate. Let's get canned.to have a lot of fun Don't stick yer bib in!Don't interfere Dry as a Drover's dog.Very thirsty No better than a vegemite sandwich.~ 32 Was yer father a glassmaker?Move! I can't see through you. It's an embuggerance.unnecessary or irrelevant interuption I got here on my Mad Mike.a push bike Throwing/knocking back a few beers.drinking I'm that unlucky that if it rained soup, everbody else would have a spoon and I'd be left with a fork.~ That scrub was so thick a dog couldn't bark in it.~ Make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here.Got to get gotta here! Put the bite on.Ask for a loan. He's just loose juice.~ 31 Face like a robber's dog!An ugly girl That would gag a maggot!it's so disgusting it would......gag a maggot She's two pick handles wide.She is fat Pass the Cackle-berries.Eggs Splatter the bladder.To urinate. Squeeze the cheese.To defecate. Silly as a wet hen/square wheel.~ He's a good coca cola.A cricket bowler. It was so wet even the mirages overflowed!~ I'm on the wallaby track.Looking for work Not worth a row/hill of beans.Of low value Off like a school boarder's lunch.~ 30 He has no JT (jam tart).Has no ticker, no heart, no commitment... All over the place like a drunken spider.~ Shut your north and south!Shut your mouth! Tough/Fit as a Mallee Bull.Damn near invincible. More front than Myers.pushy person Not all the lights are on in the top floor.not very intelligent Goes off like Chinese New Year.goes wild A better man never stood in two shoes!Compliment Crook as Rookwood.Sick, unwell 29 Off like a robber's dog.quickly. He's a Taswegian.a Tasmanian I'll light the Nelly McGuire.Light the fire The whole box and dice.The whole lot. He's got death adders in 'is kick.Mean with his money-kick=pocket. 28 Fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down.Bloody Ugly All these butternut snaps.rhyming slang = a jap Game! He's as game as Ned Kelly.He'll have a go. How's your bum for grabs.Pleased to make your esteemed acquaintance. 27 Why stroll when you can roll?why walk when you can drive? Few tiles short of a roof.slow , not very quick A face like a marron and hands like a couple of yabbies.ugly Your bedroom looks like a Packapoo ticket.1) Messy 2) can also mean toilet paper My sky rocket.Hip pocket Johnny Horner.corner He is jumped up.conceited She's put on her best bib and tucker.best clothes Copulater / Cop ya later.Bye for now As ugly as a bag of spanners.Ugly Full as a Catholic school.The meal was extremly filling. He's not within cooee of finishing that job.far away from doing it. Bore it up 'em!Give them a thrashing. (team sports) Take a shufteeTake a look. 26 In a battle of wits, he'd be completely unarmed!Not bright. I've got to catch the Bread & Jam.Tram Get some mother and daughter will ya?Fetch some water. 'till it rains in Marble Bar.never You wouldn't know if it was Whitsunday Passage, Thursday Island or Friday afternoon.You are not competent to comment on the matter Going off like a frog in a sock.going crazy As useful as a handbrake on a Holden.useless A few bricks shy of a full hod.~ To sink the slipper.kick He's a broken packet of biscuits.Looks good on the outside, a mess on the inside Have the run of your dover.eat all you want. 25 He / She has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.has a double/ triple chin I'll just go and strain the main vein to make the bladder gladder.visit the mens loo See you at the shake and shiver.Go to the river. Johnny Hopper.copper Face like a burnt thong.Ugly Send 'er down Hughie!entreaty to God to make it rain Cock a snook/snoot.thumbs on nose gesture. They're cockatoo farmers.a smalltime farmer To get the Darling Pea.act strange/insane You could drive a coach and four through that.~ He ran like a hairy goatIt was not his best race. (horse race) Chew on yer boot.I hope your accuracy is faulty in kicking this goal. Yelled at footy matches to a player, particularly when a football player is taking a free kick within scoring distance 24 Teeth to tail ratio.Active personnel to administration. Taking out the garbage.going to the bathroom/toilet Come over and see my Malvern Star.Car Dear Bill! Ain't it a bastard!denotes deepest feelings of exasperation and disgust If it rained gravy everyone else would have a frying-pan - and I'd be left with a gridiron.Unlucky 23 If brains were dynamite, he could blow the dust from his ears.thick as a brick He's gone to Coburg & Kew.Spew The whallopers.The Police Call us a Joe Baxi.taxi Rough as bags and twice as nasty.uncouth, rough Meaner than Hungry Tyson.~ Grog with no nectar.Alcohol free beer 22 Down in Tasway.Tasmania You take the mad and silly.Grab the billy. I smell like a gorilla's arm-pit!I need a shower I'll have your blood for breakfast!You're in trouble Go tell the bar flies.not insects 21 I've got a eggflip.A tip (horse racing) Colder than a penguin's chuff.bloody cold Darker than the inside of a black dog's guts.Very dark It's that windy it would blow a dog off it's chain.The wind is really blowin a gale. 20 Go back to taws.start at the begining As useless as a chocolate fireguard.Useless He used the Mungindi glove in the fight.He kicked his opponent Wet enough to bog a duckIt`s rained a lot. I'm going to use the bank a'bout.the ATM (automatic teller machine) 19 Watch out for the barker eggs!dog poo. Do you want some Mary Lee?Want any tea? He's got more balls than Keno.Showing alot of determination. Ten thousand sheep short of a top paddock.kind of slow, an idiot Japanese flying suitT-shirt ,shorts and thongs Knock into a cocked hat.To destroy or overcome something completely Mow the brigalo suckers.Shave your beard Hand in your dinner plate.~ 18 Two yards faster than a trickel.Very slow. Bourke shower.a dust storm. You look like a pox doctor's clerk.Dressed up, slightly gaudy, bad taste. Yer talking farmyard/Flemington confetti.a whole load of rubbish. That was a cockeye bob!a sudden storm or squall. 17 In a brace of shakes.immediately. A Seppo.An American ,seppo being short for septic tank ,which rhymes with yank Time to go to the soapy sapple.chapel (rhyming slang) Couldn't get a kick if he hanged himself.Useless football player. 16 Watch out for the Devil Dodgers.Jehovah's Witnesses Sweating like a pregnant nun in confessionnervous Stick a ferret up yer clacker.~ A few Holdens short of a carpark.stupid He's so far up himself he's coming out the other end.~ Toss a tiger on the carpet.Vomit Pavement Pizza.A pile of vomit , usually at a bus stop shortly after sparrow's fart Uglier than homemade sin!~ 15 Sharp as a beachball.Not very bright/quick. It would kill a brown dog!Nothing can kill a brown dog, but this tasted so bad that it could, To talk to God on the big white telephone.to throw up (vomit) As full as a secondary school hat rack.Very drunk The bronze.The Police Face like a beaten favourite.a shocking looking chick! Joe Bloggs just coughed. that joe (the baddy) just confessed 14 Man's not a camel.Get me a beer You're \ it's about as useful as a bag full of farts.useless If brains where dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off!!!~ So cold it'll freeze the balls on a brass monkey.coooold (brass monkey being the three balls that hang outside a pawn shop ) He's got a head on him like a Diranbandi mail bag.ugly He's a cocky / He's a cow cocky.He is a Farmer / He is a Cattle Farmer Into everything like/as useful as a drover's pup.Not useful at all Come the rubber pig.~ 13 Fair dinkum.1) It's the truth. 2) Exclamation! 3) Is it the truth? All froth and no beer.Full of himself [not rightly so] He's not the full quid.Stupid Spewin'I am very upset about that. You've got a head like a dropped pie.Very Ugly A face that only a mother could love.Ugly Every man and his dog was there.Something that's well attended Couldn't pull the skin off a custard / has a custard arm.Weak / Can't throw (sport) Showing more toe than a Roman sandle.Showing plenty of guts 12 To park a tiger on the rug.to throw up (vomit) He's got more corrugations than a water tank.Lots of spare tyres- Rolls of fat. If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.stupid He's blotto!Very drunk, incapable of standing.